Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
