i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
