I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
