Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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