Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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