yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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