You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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