One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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