I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
