Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
