so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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