"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
