Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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