Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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