My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
