Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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