She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you traded sex for a burrito?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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