birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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