I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
