do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
