after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
