Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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