We got so high we made milksteak
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
