i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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