Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
