Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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