Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
