I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
