been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize