I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
