Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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