dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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