When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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