it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
