I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
