Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize