All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
