So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
