i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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