im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
