I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
