I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
