felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize