I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
