just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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