im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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