Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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