We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
