so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
