it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
