He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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