Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
