very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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