How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
