Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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