so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
