I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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