Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
