i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
