yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
