If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
