He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
