we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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