Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
