Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize