I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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