nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
