Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
