The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
