Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
