Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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