I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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