Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
kristin has been a bad kristin
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize